Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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