And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
foreskin is a definite game changer
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
