My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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