I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
