i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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