So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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