if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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