i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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