Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
