On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
