dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
