you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
