Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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