oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
