What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
