we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
