That's intense
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
