Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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