I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
