After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
