I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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