i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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