i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
