this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
