I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't deserve a penis
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
