Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
