the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize