headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
