apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
