turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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