let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
