There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
