It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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