I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
