I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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