We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
