do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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