Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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