i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
