i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
