When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
