I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize