I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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