chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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