Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
