i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
