I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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