She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
