Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
