Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
