No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
