either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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