I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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