i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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