Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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