i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
