I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
