I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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