Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize
