Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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